Intimacy and Beauty

Intimacy is created through sharing all of yourself with one you love.  There are many expressions of intimacy and we all have different levels of awareness and willingness to share who we are.   Some, maybe most of us have lost sight of the light and the beauty within and it feels as if we never really knew ourselves at all.  How can we reveal what we do not know?


I do not think, as one often hears, that we cannot love someone until we fully love ourselves or that we cannot create intimacy without fully knowing ourselves.  It is in honestly coming together with another admitting we don’t fully know and love ourselves that helps to reveal our essence.  Saying “I don’t know” is a position of honesty, humility, and vulnerability that allows learning and connection to take place.  Evolutionary growth is an interactive process between an organism and its environment.  We can help another grow and mature. We shape and influence one another for better or worse.


Yet we still must take full responsibility for our own development.  I have observed that women learn to hide their light and beauty from others and from themselves in particular ways.  Beauty is hidden because of fears, beliefs, and assumptions.  You are taught to believe that it is not okay to shine too brightly for fear of what others might think of you.  You have come to believe that you need to compete with others and so you compare and judge and often find yourself lacking.  So you hide your beauty in various ways; through negative emotions, through behaviors that keep you too busy, through excess focus on appearance, or through neglect of your bodies, minds, and souls.  Men, of course have the same struggles but it plays out in somewhat different ways, such as the quest for power, and accumulation of possessions that you hope will earn you respect and admiration.


Please spend some time reflecting on the following poem by Derek Walcott.  When you cultivate ways to feast on your life you will become full and find you have much greater depth to share with the one you love.



Love After Love

The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes;

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

Updates and Milestones

Updates and Milestones

  1. Some of you have been wondering how my son-in-law is doing.  I’m pleased to report that his third and final surgery to eliminate the need for an ileostomy bag was successful.  Now his body is in the process of recovering and learning how to properly digest food and eliminate waste again, which we are told may take a full year.   So the journey continues but we are grateful he now has a chance to regain full health and we are so thankful for all the various forms of support from so many people.  Thank you and please continue to send your powerful thoughts and prayers for full physical, financial, and emotional abundance.
  2. Today, March 20th, my wife and I celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary.  It is hard to believe how quickly time passes, especially as we get older.  We, like many of you, were young and naive when we got married and we didn’t know what we didn’t know.  We were just in love and wanted to be together.  So we set out to make a life together and found our way by literally growing up together.  As I describe in my Dynamic Marriage Map, this is the one relationship that forces you to confront your own developmental needs and at the same time offers the perfect context for growing forward as you grow up, individually and as a couple.  So I am sincerely grateful to my beautiful wife for being the love of my life and teaching me so much about myself, about her, and about life.
  3. I am putting the finishing touches on a brand new website that is designed to be a source of information and encouragement to couples around the world.  This is the website where I will now feature blog posts, products, and resources about healthy relationships.  Please check it out at and let me know what you think.  Also please tell me if you find any glitches in any of the systems.  I will keep you posted on additional developments or products as they are ready.

Milestones mark the stages, accomplishments, and struggles of life and often are a great reminder to celebrate the important moments of life.  Please feel free to share your own milestones with me and post your comments and questions on the website.  Thank you!